Wednesday, 18 January 2012

How Creationists sound to the rest of us

(This is a fake new story, in case you're wondering)           

 In the ongoing search for the origins of the computer, a multidisciplinary team sought to discern how the computer was built.  Brushing aside its lack of experiments, papers published in peer reviewed journals, and basic scientific literacy, the group has announced they have definitive proof that computers were designed and built by Aliens.  This group has released several best selling books and videos on the subject, and regularly presents their findings at UFO rallies and other prestigious venues.
            “It’s so complex,” explained team leader, Dr. Ted. H. Agard.  “This component, for example, is so intricate and complicated there is just no way it could have been made by humans.  Humans are completely incapable of creating such things.  If they were, we would see them making things all the time!  I don’t see that, do you?  Besides, everyone knows that on his deathbed, Steve Jobs admitted the Aliens told him how to build a Mac.”
            Dr. K. M. Fort outlined the brewing controversy.  “There are some scientists of lesser repute who claim that some humans somewhere must have made it, but everything they say doesn’t make any sense.  It’s like they just make things up, and then do experiments to test their ideas so that the government will give them money.  I mean, you never see a human, secreting computer components from special glands in their nipples.  Until I see that happen, this whole “man-made” idea is just a theory.  Can you imagine? Humans building computers!  That’s like saying a baby stacked some blocks together and built a Boeing 747!  It’s obvious to me that all the evidence points to the simple fact that Aliens did it, and they told us about it in the movie Men In Black.  Have you noticed how one side of the velcro is soft and the other is grippy, and they stick together?  No way some person just came up with that!  It’s obviously aliens!”
            Proponents of Alien Designer Doctrine (ADD for short) are in a struggle to have their theories recognized by educational institutions alongside proponents of Man-made-ism that represent the established scientific consensus.  “This nation was founded on Alien values,” commented Huck McBee, school board director and supporter of ADD being taught in schools alongside Man-made-ism.  “I may not know much about anything, but one thing I’m sure of is MIB is a message from the Aliens.  I put my trust in that, and I think that it’s important we teach the next generation about Aliens.”    

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